How To Deal With Unhappy People

I had therapy a lot last year, for lots of different reasons and it changed a lot about me. I have a long way to go but the very process was so healing. I mention it here as I just picked up an email from my therapist, to see how I am. A truly lovely chap and someone I totally admire.  I want this blog and whatever it will become to be positive. Yes I write about darkness and dark people and damage and sociopaths and all sorts of awful things but only with a view to managing them and actually avoiding the collateral damage.  I had a long conversation about denial yesterday. I have many, multiple flaws but the one thing I do, it has often been said I have more courage than sense, is face where I am and what I have going on.  I do not 'do' denial. However rubbish, ghastly, on occasion shameful things are I look at them, try to understand and try to learn, heal and grow.  I am working on a huge project based on the principles of the Arts and Crafts movement. Wil...

This is about controlling behaviour. I have experienced controlling behaviour and it is clearly something I attract as I have had two more doses in the last 24 hours, from a sister and a friend.  Actually, in both cases, it was water off a ducks' back and frankly made me laugh as for once, after all this time, I saw it for the silly nonsense that it is. It makes the perpetrator look more than a little loopy and really silly.  However it wasn't always this way and it is not at all funny. People tell you who you can and can't talk to, tell you what you can and can't do or eat and in my case speak to.  I am a very upbeat, optimistic, positive person, I always try to offer support, try to encourage. I am very competitive and set high standards for myself.  I would, well maybe aside from a bad patch where I did, wish anyone ill. I always try to support. I always see the glass as half full.  I have noticed a recurrent theme in my life. People, who with great...

I have just come back from a fearsome dog walk in pelting snow and this was on my mind so I thought it a good idea to put it here.  I am an emotional person and have good emotional literacy I think. I had therapy, I have had my dark times, but I try to be kind and help people out when I can.  I noticed something recently. I was out walking. Something can be present by its' absence. Over many years, actually in total 16, I noticed a syndrome. I couldn't fathom it as it was the diametric opposite of what one might expect. In terms of controlling and confusing behaviour, this is one of the more covert ones but it is so devastating.  There are times when we need support, celebration, a good luck or a well done. There are times we stumble and fall, literally or figuratively.  A normal person will be there for you. A friend in need is a friend indeed. When my friends and loved ones are upset, worried, troubled, sad, happy, I am there for them, in any way. I try t...

I am reconfiguring what I put where and when. I have a wonderful project on the boil and two wonderful collaborators, we will have a summit in February of next year. Based on the principles of William Morris. I have played on Facebook, with ineptitude. This blog, bathed in a touch of silliness is very serious and important to me and as it grows and develops I hope translates into real meaning and full dialogue on how to deal with something pretty dire. Information. It is everywhere, we are swimming in it. I neither watch TV nor read the papers yet I get loads by osmosis. My children know stuff that at their age I wouldn't have had a clue about. Information, I tend to overshare as why not, can be used to very dangerous means. Here I refer in essence to the sociopath and I just ran up against one and I put into place my well versed ( I had a wonderful counsellor when I first got away from he who cannot be named ) and he taught me just what to do. A sociopath or narcissist wil...

Yesterday's happiness was clearing out a shed for a friend who has a bad hand. Assisted and guided by a lovely woman who is a medical herbalist. We laughed and laughed. I was covered in grime, cobwebs, things to do with dead insects, but still we laughed.  Happiness tip for today ? Say 'well done' to someone.  We sat with tea and shared stories. Ill health, grief, incredulity. We talked about unhappy people. I created this blog as I used to have a London mummy blog and it was really fun. It went in an unhappy assault. Various things I have created have gone in an unhappy assault.  I have taken a couple of years to suss out why these things happen ? Why destroy something good ? Why create pain and divisions ? Why make others feel bad ? Why cause discord ? It simply doesn't make any sense.  It is a bit like when I go to pubs which I neither get nor like really. I do see the community bit and I understand sitting by a cosy fire in the winter. However I often...